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10 things you should understand about Irish women

womenThere are many differences between men and women. Physical abilities, emotional maturity, biological needs, the list goes on. But there are some important facts specifically about Irish women that all men should take note of. That is, if you plan on engaging with said women, ever.

1. We lose weight differently to you.

Please allow us our method of bargaining and don’t judge us when we say one 20-minute walk around the park means we can have two bags of crisps or a glass of wine. It’s just how our exercise regime works.

2. Our Irish mammies taught us all we know

While you might expect your mammies to do everything for you (don’t expect the same from us), we learned all our medical knowledge from ours. That’s how we know you’ll get a kidney infection if you sit on the concrete for too long and you’ll catch pneumonia if you go out with wet hair.

3. Yes, we like to gossip

Often about you, but sometimes about other people. We know you think it’s bitching and you don’t like it but it’s not; it’s just going for coffee with friends and chatting about someone who happens to not be there.

4. We make better patients than you

man fluNo one wants to hear they’re not a good patient when they’re sick, so we’re not going to say it. All we’ll say is that when you are going around like you have the plague with your man-flu when you sneezed once on Tuesday and are still talking in your sick voice, we’re probably going to work, making dinner and getting on with life while battling a major chest infection. Just sayin’.

5. We can multitask

We know you think you can, but reading the morning paper, while sipping your coffee or checking out the female players while looking for sports results does not count as multitasking. Meanwhile, we’re coming up with birthday present ideas as well as working on a big work project while putting our make-up on.

6. Ok, sometimes we do moan

Yes, we admit it; sometimes we can moan a little bit too much and you have to listen. We do apologise but we may not be able to help it. So when we do, just listen quietly and don’t offer any solutions unless asked for one.

7. Don’t blame our emotions on our hormones

We do not think it’s cute/funny/insightful for you to point out that our emotional distress might have something to do with hormones, PMS or menopause. If you’re wrong, this will not go down well; if you’re right, this will definitely not go down well.

8. “You shouldn’t have” is our way of saying thank you.

Think of it like accepting money, we’re just being polite when we tell you those flowers were unnecessary. It’s the Irish woman way of saying, “That was lovely, thank you”.

9. Our hair costs significantly more than yours

Don’t make that face when we tell you our hair took six hours and cost €120. We don’t judge your €8.50 Tuesday special down the road. PS – you should see how much we used to pay before Groupon existed.

10. We talk on the phone – a lot

Probably more than any other woman on the planet, the Irish woman must ring their mother/sister/best friend every second day to have long chats about everything. These will usually be coded with a lot of “she didn’t,” “what about last week” and “no way”. Don’t bother asking about these conversations; you’ll never understand.

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